Book Recommendations for Grievers - Books to Gift Someone Who is Grieving
When You Don’t Know What to Say
or How to Help a Friend Who Is Grieving
Words just fail us sometimes and especially when you are supporting someone who is going through the pain of a loss. With the best of intentions many people avoid getting in touch after a loss, not because they don’t care, but because they don’t know how to help or worry about getting it wrong. They hesitate to send that text or avoid bringing up the persons name in case it causes any upset and tears. But sometimes the best approach is to simply bear witness to their pain and be ok with any awkwardness or discomfort of tears and sorrow. We don’t have to find the perfect words to say but simply listen and acknowledge with out offering solutions.
I lost my father as a teenager, at a time when there was little or no support. Grief was rarely spoken about. There was little understanding of how deeply a loss like that could affect someone so young and no real acknowledgement of how difficult it could be to navigate. What stayed with me most was not just the grief itself, but the loneliness of feeling as though I had to just carry on and grieve alone.
Looking back, I didn’t know how to ask for help and I had no awareness of the impact it was having on me. I think if there was someone to simply recognise what I was going through and help me put into words what I was feeling, it could have made a huge difference to my struggles and it would given me that validation that I didn’t even understand I was seeking.
That’s why, when words feel hard to find, a thoughtfully chosen book can be such a meaningful gesture for someone really struggling and overwhelmed with grief. It can sit quietly beside them, offering understanding and space, reassurance withouts demands or pressure. There is no trying fix what can’t be fixed instead a sense that they are not alone.
Sometimes a book is not about fixing grief, it’s about acknowledging it, and letting someone know they’re not alone.
Grief can be a lonely road and a very different experience from one person to the next. Thankfully, we are becoming much more grief-aware, with podcasts, apps, counsellors and awareness campaigns offering support. We hear people tell their stories, this gives a sense of feeling less alone and bring clarity to feelings that we many not of even been aware of.
While this is a positive shift, it can also feel overwhelming for someone who is grieving to know where to begin. A thoughtfully chosen book, gifted with care, can be a small but meaningful step in the right direction and be a kind of steady companionship, especially when concentration is low and emotions feel overwhelming.
This guide is for friends and family members who want to support someone they love through loss, with books that are reassuring, well written and free from those platitudes or pressure to “heal.”
To start I’ve chosen 3 books you could gift a grieving friend that come highly recommended.
You Are Not Alone
Cariad Lloyd's
NEW STATESMAN, THE TIMES AND EXPRESS BOOK OF THE YEAR 2023 'The friend you need when you're grieving - full of heart and hope' PHILIPPA PERRY 'Honest, warm and funny' JULIA SAMUEL 'A game-changer' DR KATHRYN MANNIX When Cariad Lloyd was just fifteen, she became the person-whose-dad-had-died; a mess of emotions and questions. She turned to the Five Stages of Grief model for guidance, but found its framework of loss was hard to reconcile with her messy and non-linear experience of grief. In this wise and witty guide to grieving, Cariad shares her road map - a collection of years of profound insights from experts and guests featured on her podcast, Griefcast - to remind us that you cannot do grief wrong. Wise, warm and downright funny, this book will show you that you're not alone - and how to find peace on your grief journey.
The Comfort Book
Matt Haig
Nothing is stronger than a small hope that doesn't give up.
The Comfort Book is a collection of little islands of hope. It gathers consolations and stories that give new ways of seeing ourselves and the world.
Matt Haig's mix of philosophy, memoir and self-reflection builds on the wisdom of philosophers and survivors through the ages, from Marcus Aurelius to Nellie Bly, Emily Dickinson to James Baldwin.
This is the book to pick up when you need the wisdom of a friend, the comfort of a hug or a reminder that hope comes from unexpected places.
Love notes to grievers
By Angela E Morris
No matter how long ago your loved one died, your grief matters.
In this unique collection, Angela Morris suspends time. She lets us know that we have earned the quiet, private moments that we need to move through —not past—our grief. In a culture that demands us to be “better”, Angela Morris leaves the space for us to repose in truths, tending to our hearts as we deal with the hardest knocks of life. Whether you have lost a family member or a friend, Angela Morris gives you permission to walk the path with her, illuminating her own grief in the desperate, the tempestuous, and even the comic moments that life can pull you through, as you heal your grieving heart.
From the book:
Death isn’t a singular event where you continue as usual once the funeral and recommended mourning period ends. There is a low window of tolerance for grief in our society. Death can feel like too much for some. Please keep sharing your stories so that when other people enter this realm, there will be a soft place for them to land with less guilt for refusing to mask their pain for others’ comfort. I wish for people to feel supported, loved and held so they can healthily process their loved one’s death.